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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Treasure Hunt

After my last scavenger mission through the ton of things in my house I've decided I needed to change my perspective on the issue. Step one is waiting until after the Zoloft is in my system. Step two change my outlook on the whole process. Last time I went sifting through things I had an emotional setback because I wasn't prepared for what I found. So now to keep myself from breaking down into a sobbing mess, I think of it as a treasure hunt.

I've spent so long holding onto things that only seem to cause me pain. This is the first step in working on really getting through the grieving process and moving forward with my life. I spent so many years thinking I had to leave my mom's room the way she left it. It turned into a shrine and I felt guilty anytime I moved something, thinking I was doing something wrong. I'm starting to realize that going through her things doesn't mean I'm disrespecting her. She wouldn't want me to memorialize her like that. She'd want me to find a way to live my life in a way that honors her and let's me be me!

Tuesday I decided to put my downtime to good use and do some more treasure hunting, found some pretty cool things. There was a list my mom made on my 18th birthday. She listed what she was doing 18 years ago on that day, and one of those things is that she was reading Socrates while she waited for me to enter the world. That plus the fact that she was big on reading to me all the time makes sense for why I have a passion for reading. I found cards she had given me just because she felt like it. A letter she wrote to a credit card company that was harassing me. Now that one was funny, she ripped them a new one BIG TIME in that letter. Reminded me how fiercely protective she was. She could be sweet as sugar one minute, you piss her off and she would take you down in a heartbeat. Which is how I am, I am so my mother's daughter LOL!

I'm going to keep sifting through things and make a scrapbook dedicated to my mom. That way I can preserve the best parts of her. Something to ease my broken heart when I miss her terribly.

2 comments:

  1. i bet it is hard to go through things like that, but look at all the cool things you found!

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    1. It is that's why I had to change my outlook on it and make the process easier on myself. Makes it easier to move forward. It is really cool finding that stuff though. There's some old computer disks I need to look through because I think there's genealogy research on there. Now that would be nice to see what she found.

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