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Thursday, March 21, 2013

What's Left of my Sanity

I have been slacking BIG TIME on my blog lately. Finally figured out why. Papers I've had to write have been more demanding than they were in the past. By the time I'm done with them I am wiped out! No desire to write anymore whatsoever. So it's beyond difficult for me to come on here and crank out a post. I've been cutting out things that have added to my stress level so I won't feel so overwhelmed trying to fit everything in. Which means I'm going to stop posting for a while. Just until things calm down for me. It sucks having to say that, but I need to save what's left of my sanity  so I can focus on getting my degree finished with. It's not goodbye forever, just for right now. I'll miss y'all! Ta ta for now :-(

Monday, March 11, 2013

Daylight Savings

Oh it's that time of year again. Time to lose an hour of time. I'd love to know who's idea it was to do this whole Daylight Savings thing anyways. One of the many things I love about technology is not having to reset my clocks. Used to be a pain having to run all over the house checking every clock. Microwave, TV, VCR, radio, alarm clock, watch.....annoying.

Funny Reminders Ecard: Thanks for reminding me to change my clocks that change themselves.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest LOL! Time for me to finish my first paper of the semester. Comparing domestic violence beliefs between the U.S. and four other countries. Decided to give myself a break and play one of those hidden object games and let my brain take a rest from my note taking session. After the things I read my brain was very happy to have that break. It's a sad sad world we live in. Soon as I'm done writing I'll treat myself to The Walking Dead, Once Upon A Time and Revenge.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Back to the Grind

I think it finally just set in that I'm a senior in college. This isn't something I thought I was going to be able to say considering my history. Right out of high school I was talked into going to this school I had no interest in. Friends of my mom worked at the school, they said it was a good school and I would be well taken care of. Fast forward to 6 months after I've been enrolled: switched majors twice, had a breakdown thanks to the stress of dealing with the jerk I was dating at the time. So I packed up and left that school. Apparently departments don't communicate well because they had no clue I was gone until 3 months after I'd left. Mind you my mom and I went through the process of filling out all the necessary paperwork for me to leave the school.

Took some time off and decided to go to culinary school. That was a mistake. I have no desire to live that kind of hectic lifestyle. Missing birthdays,  holidays, not being able to spend time with your family. I struck out with my first two schools so when I started at Kaplan I decided I'd do everything to make sure this wouldn't be strike 3. Which is why I'm so happy I've made it this far and the finish line is getting closer every day. My expected graduation date is 12/24/ that's what I call a Merry Christmas!

Anyways, I've started working ahead a little on my first project which looks like it'll be a doozy. Should be an interesting semester though. I've got great professors again and that makes seminars so much better. Plus the topics are really interesting, domestic violence and organized crime. Well time for me to get some work done. I'll try not to be too scarce but school comes first.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

My Adventures with Cupping

Well yesterday was another adventure in the world of alternative medicine. From last Thursday to Sunday I had this sharp pain in the back of my shoulders and my sides. Figured it might be referred pain from the acupuncture, so I brought it up to her this week. So she decided to do some dry cupping in addition to my acupuncture treatment. What's dry cupping you ask.....well let me tell you. Now I couldn't see what she was doing because I was face down, I could only feel it. So I went to WebMD and they helped me out with an explanation for it.

There are two forms of cupping: dry cupping (suction only) and wet cupping (combo of suction and controlled bleeding). The first time I went for acupuncture treatment she did wet cupping on my calves to help my circulation. This time she did dry cupping. According to WebMD: During both types of cupping, a flammable substance such as alcohol, herbs, or paper is placed in a cup and set on fire. As the fire goes out, the cup is placed upside down on the patient's skin. As the air inside the cup cools, it creates a vacuum. This causes the skin to rise and redden as blood vessels expand. The cup is generally left in place for five to 10 minutes.

So this is what the cups she used on me looked like:
courtesy of
Before she started she asked if I was going out this weekend.

Then she explained that cupping leaves bruises on the body. So if I was going out somewhere that required say a backless dress, then she wasn't going to do it. Which is understandable considering how you look afterwards. 

So here's pictures of cupping bruises other people have had:
courtesy of; and

And here's pictures of my cupping bruises. My chocolate skin makes it a little difficult to see my bruises. Plus there wasn't great lighting in the bathroom where I took these pictures (shootout to Cosi my favorite coffee place!). But if you look close you can see indents on my lower back from where she cupped me. 
See that swirly looking thing that's where one of the cups was

Honky tonk badakadonk

She put 11 of those things on me and I have to say it was weird. I guess it's similar to what it would feel like if I got down and dirty with an octopus. It didn't hurt there was just pressure from where the cups were sucking on me. So 15-20 mins later I'm done with cupping and she puts 19 acupuncture needles in so:
2 inches of acupuncture goodness

I'm starting to think she has a thing with odd numbers, which is funny cause I have a thing with even numbers. It's part of my slight case of OCD. Anywho, I got about 45 mins to an hour of moderate relief after it was all said and done. Of course I would've been a lot more relaxed if it wasn't for the IGNORANT COW who decided the "No Cell Phone Use" sign on the wall in the waiting room didn't apply to her. The room I was in is right in front of the waiting room so I had to hear her babbling about nonsense until my acupuncturist said something to her. You're not special honey, no cell phones mean no cell phones! What part of "Quiet Please" don't you understand?! Well classes have started back up again today and I'm looking forward to this semester. 11 projects (what is that my lucky number for today or what??) and some cool professors. One professor loves southern rock, country and basically every genre of music I love and likes to play music before class start. My other one sounds like he's going to be a lot of fun too. Senior year LET'S GET IT ON!!!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Busy Bee Eats: Crock Pot Pork Tenderloin

So I stole this recipe from my friend Maura's blog and I have to say it sounds sooo yummy! I do love a good crock pot meal. Something about letting a meal just simmer all day and filling the house with the smell of yummy foods....sorry had to wipe the drool off my keyboard. Anyway check out the link to her blog and try the recipe for yourself. Oh and if you try it let me know how it turned out!

Busy Bee Eats: Crock Pot Pork Tenderloin

Monday, February 25, 2013

Random Moments

So many parents think that if their child asks them to buy something then that's the only way to make them happy. They waste hundreds of dollars on buying the hot new gadget, or the same clothes every other kid is wearing. The only thing that does is make a spoiled child temporarily happy. People put so much emphasis on the amount of money they spend on their child and expect that to be a symbol of their love. Smartphones, tablets, expensive clothes.....those aren't symbols of love. Those are just things to satisfy them for the moment.

When children get older they don't use the things their parents bought as a measure of how much they were loved. They talk about moments. Not just birthdays and holidays, but random moments. When I look back on my childhood the random moments are the ones that stick out the most. There are things my mom bought me that I do remember, but there are memories attached to them. Like my Easy Bake Oven. I remember making so many of those little cakes for my mom to try out. Of course when I think about it now I can see through her attempts to try and choke down those awful cakes. But it's not like all I remember is getting the oven, I remember playing with my mom and being silly with her. There's a memory attached to it so it's not like all I remember is the object, it's the experience.

That's what children take away from their childhood when they grow up. Things mean nothing compared to moments and simple traditions. Traditions like having a family dinner or something like a family game night. Those are the moments that help build memories. Speaking of family game night we had one recently, more like game day. The boyfriend had his son over for the weekend and we decided if we're going to stay in we might as well make the most of it.

So while I was working on some things for school his son was busy playing with his wrestling game. He decided to turn his dad and I into wrestlers, and I thought that was so cute. So he and his dad are the Tag Team champions and I'm the Diva's Champion woot woot. After he was done with his game we decided to play Monopoly because he's never played the original version. Apparently what they say about beginner's luck applies to kids too because he wiped the floor with us! Soon as he learned how to get hotels he had a hotel on EVERYTHING! Now if you've ever played Monopoly you know that in the right spots having a strip of hotels is all you need to bankrupt someone fast. Despite the fact that we lost we had a great time though. It was a lot of fun sitting down and playing a game together. Just taking that time to have some quality downtime together was awesome.

Children just want you to spend time with them. Doesn't have to be anything big like a trip around the world, although that'd be really cool. They just want that quality time from random moments that'll leave a lasting impression on their lives.

Friday, February 22, 2013

More International Love

Every once in a while I like to give a big THANK YOU to the readers from near and far who take the time to click on my blog. So a HUGE THANK YOU to readers from the following countries:

United States
United Kingdom
Sri Lanka


Thursday, February 21, 2013

My Week So Far

So I've had four acupuncture sessions now and there's only been a little improvement. But I'm guessing it's one of those processes that takes time before you really see any results. She's been upgrading my treatments by adding more needles each time. During my last session she used 15 needles and had a heat lamp over my lower back. Kinda worked like a heating pad but after a while it was a bit too much. Now I know what food feels like when it sits under heat lamps.

It's been a lazy week and part of me feels a little perturbed cause I didn't make any progress in the house this week. But I needed some downtime to just relax and not do anything. And it felt good. I know it's because next Wednesday a new semester starts and I'll be back to the grind. I've also been in a little bit of a funk because I've been thinking about where I want to go for my Masters.

I was already thinking about going to Seton Hall because they have a great program. Then I looked at Walden University and their program is pretty great too. Both schools have internships as a part of the program, and both lead you to becoming licensed if that's one of your goals. But Seton Hall is for people who want to be licensed in New Jersey. Now I don't like in Jersey and have no plans on moving there so being licensed in that state does me no good. Walden has advisers who will help you with your state's licensing requirements. The only other thing I don't like is having to pay for my books since they're not included in tuition. Hrmmm.....decisions decisions....I've still got time to figure this out since I'm just starting my senior year. WOW I'm a senior in college! Yay me!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Treasure Hunt

After my last scavenger mission through the ton of things in my house I've decided I needed to change my perspective on the issue. Step one is waiting until after the Zoloft is in my system. Step two change my outlook on the whole process. Last time I went sifting through things I had an emotional setback because I wasn't prepared for what I found. So now to keep myself from breaking down into a sobbing mess, I think of it as a treasure hunt.

I've spent so long holding onto things that only seem to cause me pain. This is the first step in working on really getting through the grieving process and moving forward with my life. I spent so many years thinking I had to leave my mom's room the way she left it. It turned into a shrine and I felt guilty anytime I moved something, thinking I was doing something wrong. I'm starting to realize that going through her things doesn't mean I'm disrespecting her. She wouldn't want me to memorialize her like that. She'd want me to find a way to live my life in a way that honors her and let's me be me!

Tuesday I decided to put my downtime to good use and do some more treasure hunting, found some pretty cool things. There was a list my mom made on my 18th birthday. She listed what she was doing 18 years ago on that day, and one of those things is that she was reading Socrates while she waited for me to enter the world. That plus the fact that she was big on reading to me all the time makes sense for why I have a passion for reading. I found cards she had given me just because she felt like it. A letter she wrote to a credit card company that was harassing me. Now that one was funny, she ripped them a new one BIG TIME in that letter. Reminded me how fiercely protective she was. She could be sweet as sugar one minute, you piss her off and she would take you down in a heartbeat. Which is how I am, I am so my mother's daughter LOL!

I'm going to keep sifting through things and make a scrapbook dedicated to my mom. That way I can preserve the best parts of her. Something to ease my broken heart when I miss her terribly.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Five Things

One of the great things about being a blogger is finding inspiration on other blogs. Sometimes writer's block hits and my brain turns into mush. Considering how much writing I've done for my final projects I'm not surprised I'm having a hard time coming up with things. So I snagged this lovely Q&A from Lesley at The Dream Tree because it's short and simple. So have a lookie and then feel free to respond in the comments section or post about your five things on your blog and link up.

Five Things'll find in my purse:
Nail clippers
Hand sanitizer
My asthma inhaler
Nature Valley chewy bars
Burt's Bees lip balm'll find in my bedroom:
Dual tape deck/CD player Stereo system I've had since I was a teen
Books lots of books
VHS tapes that have been re-recorded over so no clue what's actually on them
Eric Lindros Flyers jersey
My senior prom dress

.....I've always wanted to do:
Take a trip through western Europe
Scuba dive
Visit Las Vegas
See Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity show

.....I'm currently loving:
The Walking Dead
American Horror Story
Swan Song by Robert McCammon
the fact that spring will be here soon
having some down time

.....quirks I have:
pens I use have to be the ones that click and have black ink
always put my left shoe on first
must have at least one tube of lip balm in all my bags
never leave home without pepper spray
I don't like the smell or taste of regular mustard but I like honey mustard

Monday, February 11, 2013

I NEED a Lazy Day

I'M DONE I'M FINALLY DONE WITH FINALS!!!! All my assignments are turned in just waiting on final grades. Ugghhh I am whooped! My science project was a piece of cake got that done in one day. But my abnormal psych project......whew that took a lot out of me. I was working on the last two sections until 10pm last night and by the time I was done I felt like doing this:

courtesy of

Now I get to relax and have some personal time to do what I want. Read a book! And get some cleaning done around the house. One room at a time I'm going through the things I've been holding on to. Time to decide what stays and what goes. I know there's going to be a lot of clothes going to the Salvation Army and Goodwill. Bunch of paperwork I need to look through and figure out if I'm shredding it or keeping it. But right now I just feel like relaxing and watching some TV and maybe play a game. Before bed I will get all snuggled up with the ginormous book I've been trying to finish since December. It's a great book by the way which is why I'm frustrated I haven't been able to spend more time reading it. I kept wanting to stay up and read chapter after chapter, but I couldn't either because I had an appointment the next day or I needed to get up early and work on something.

First on my agenda is watching the new episode of The Walking Dead. Then I will finish the last 3 episodes of season 2 of American Horror Story.....oh that show is deliciously twisted. I used this song the last time I talked about a lazy day and I think it'll be my official Lazy Day Theme Song. So without further ado......hit it Bruno Mars!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Human Pinchusion

So yesterday was an interesting day. I decided to try acupuncture for the first time. It's the last non-invasive treatment I can find for my back pain, so I figured what the hell might as well. Went in there with an open mind. Like all my other treatments it's a 50/50 shot of whether it works or not. Everyone's body reacts differently so I kept my expectations low, like I always do. I like the idea of acupuncture because it's a holistic treatment. I've been on so many medications and I like the idea of trying to use a more natural approach instead.

I go in and I'm waiting for her to bring me back into one of the rooms. Nice lady who I will soon learn has gentle hands. I go in the room and explain my issues to her and the first words out of her mouth are "Take off your pants and cover yourself with the towel." Okay time to strip! And then it dawns on me that I didn't prepare my body to be viewed by a stranger. Sure I knew in my head clothes would be shed. But that thought didn't cross my mind when I was getting ready. No lotion on my legs so they look like a desert. Haven't shaved the legs in a couple months for two reasons. #1. It is a pain in the butt to maneuver around and try to shave my legs considering how it aggravates my back. So I don't do it unless I have to. #2. Dude it's winter time NO ONE is going to see my legs anytime soon! Well okay the boyfriend will when I'm getting ready for bed, but as long as he doesn't complain I see no need.

"Why don't you wax your legs?" you say......well see cause that HURTS SOOOO MUCH! Last summer I decided to buy one of those home kits and see if I could handle getting my legs waxed before I go spend a chunk of money having a professional do it. OH.MY......the pain was not prepared for the pain. That was after doing one strip, just one. And of course I couldn't just leave my legs unfinished, so I put on my big girl panties and finished waxing my legs. I probably should drank some tequila first.

Anyways, so I'm laying there with the towel on me feeling a little self-conscious, and she comes back to start. I'm sure she's seen worse than my ashy legs though. First she tells me she needs to do something called bleeding to help the circulation in my calves. Which involved her pricking me to get a drop of blood to come out. Then I hear a lighter and then this thing gets put on my calf and it's stuck to me. Another lighter flick and another thing put on my other calf, and I'm laying there feeling this things stuck to me. Apparently that's called cupping and it's supposed to help draw out the stagnant blood and help circulation. Yeeahh that was weird! When she was done with the cupping she stuck 8 of those acupuncture needles in different parts of my body and left me to lay there for half an hour. Needles didn't hurt which was nice, just felt like having a hair tweezed. The whole time I'm laying there all I could think of was the part in Final Destination (don't remember what number but it was the last one) where the guy goes to get acupuncture and dies. All in all it was an interesting experience, and I have 19 more treatments.......well back to my down one to go and then I'll be back :-D

Monday, February 4, 2013

Manic Monday

Well now that was an interesting Superbowl. I'm not a huge fan of Beyonce, I like a few of her songs, but DAMN that's what I call a halftime show!! Much better than Madonna's performance. Now I see why people pay those ridiculous ticket prices to watch her perform. Now I saw a ton of posts on Facebook where people were whining and crying about how her performance wasn't kid friendly and the commercials weren't kid friendly. Apparently these people have either never watched a Superbowl from beginning to end, or somehow magically keep forgetting one simple point. The Superbowl isn't about children. There are no Elmo commercials, you don't see any toy commercials during the Superbowl. You see beer commercials.....and why....because the Superbowl is for grown adults. Those commercials aren't made for children, they're made for grown adults. The halftime show isn't made for children you don't see The Wiggles out in midfield, it's made for grown adults! Yes plenty of people watch the Superbowl with their children. I've been watching the Superbowl since I was a kid and not once did my mom ever complain about the commercials or halftime show not being kid-friendly. Some people need a serious reality check on who the audience is for the Superbowl. Or you know what......if the Superbowl is sooo distasteful then don't watch it. Problem solved!

Halftime show in the books and now it's time to start the second half....but oh.....what's this....
courtesy of
Mmkay we've got ourselves a power outage and 34 minutes later the game continues. Poor Kaepernick they tried so hard and they made a decent comeback. But they got outplayed last night. Since I'm a Steelers fan and the Ravens are the enemy I was hoping for a 49ers win last night. But I'm woman enough to admit they outplayed the 49ers last night. And if I had just been a member of the team who just won the Superbowl I'd be celebrating just like this:

courtesy of
Disney World can wait I'm making confetti angels!! There were some awesome commercials last night though. Have to hand it to them outside of the power outage it was a great game. So here are some of my favorite Superbowl commercials from last night. Which ones do you like?

The Budweiser Clydesdale commercial that made me cry

We were cracking up when they showed this one

Has to be the best explanation for where babies come from

Leon Sandcastle

It was your lucky chair LOL

What do you think did I miss any?

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Questions Answered

Now that my brain has had some time to calm the eff down I can write again. I tend to get a little frazzled when I have back to back projects to work on. I space things out so I'm not cramming all the work into one day, ends up taking me about 4 days. But still once I'm done I just don't feel like writing much anymore. Especially after knocking out two 10+ page projects. Yeeaahhh my brain needs time to chillax.

So I started my home project of going through the stuff in this house. I need to figure out what I'm keeping and packing, what needs to be shredded, and what can go straight in the trash. My mom held on to a lot of paperwork so I hope my shredder is up to the task of grinding it all into confetti. I spent about two hours yesterday before my back said it had enough. I did manage to make a dent in Phase 1 so I'm proud of myself.

I found some old awards of mine, awards my mom got, old photos and magazines. My mom had gotten some award or a nomination from the Handyman Association. It was a cute little thing and it made me feel proud. I remember the random DIY projects she would do around the house, like the dog house that amazingly is still standing after 15+ yrs. I also found some things I wasn't prepared for.

There was this big storage bin filled with stuff and that's where it all started. As I was digging through it and tossing out old CDs that were in bad shape, I came across some things that answered questions I'd had about when my mom was sick. The year my mom got sick I wasn't around much. I was here maybe a few days a week but I had just started dating this guy and was all about spending time with him. Said guy turned into a major douche and boy did I learn some lessons from that failure of a relationship.

I found medication slips from meds my mom was on at the time. You know those papers the pharmacy attaches that tells you the name, side effects and all that. There was a notepad she used to track her symptoms. Now I know that she started having problems in Jan 2003 and they progressively got worse over the course of 6 months before she had further testing done. There was a letter she tried to write to Oprah. My mom LOVED Oprah. When she wrote that letter she had just found out that her prognosis was worse than they thought. In the letter she talks about how the doctors thought they had caught early before the cancer had spread anywhere else. She never finished the letter so I'll never know why she was writing Oprah. There was a journal she wrote in from 1998-2000 during my "rough years." It was sad but comforting to see how she dealt with that time. She was concerned about me and it wasn't until mid 1998 that I was diagnosed with suicidal depression. We went through a lot of therapy before things got better between us.

I felt guilty for a long time and sometimes I still do because I feel like I wasn't around enough then. I was too busy with my own stuff. I know in my heart that she was just giving me my own space to live my life. I think I'm coming to better terms with not being in the loop as far as knowing she had cancer. It was hard enough for her to deal with the fact that she was going through it in the first place. Then to get the news that it was too late to do anything. She did what she always did, she put me first. She didn't want me to carry the burden of knowing what was going on. She wanted to protect me from the pain. I was angry for a long time, but I'm not anymore. It was hard enough for her to know she was going to die. How do you find the strength to tell your baby girl that? She knew I couldn't deal with that. In the end she showed why she's always been my hero. Unconditional love knows no bounds.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Little Dogs Can Be Jerks

 In my corner of the world every winter is like a big game of "Maybe, Maybe Not." All of these weather forecasters with their Doppler Radar always know how to send people into a panic, or lull them into a false sense of calm. Ever since the Blizzard of 1996 I tend to be a little skeptical when it comes to weather forecasts. Weather forecasting is a 50/50 shot. Only job where you can be wrong 95% of the time and still collect a paycheck.

Back in January of 96 we didn't think we were going to have a blizzard. The night before they're telling us we'll get 6 inches to about 1 foot of snow. No big deal we've had snow before. Put some salt down out front before we go to bed and then get up a little early to shovel a path. Piece of cake! Well that's not what happened AT ALL!! I went to bed prepared for school and having to make my way through a little snow.

So the next morning my mom wakes me up with this blur of information. "You don't have school today because we're snowed in but you need to go outside and find your dog." Wait, what hold on back up a second. I don't have school today. WOOHOO!!! Wasn't there something about a dog.....oh yeah something about getting my dog. My bed was by the window at that time and I had a view of the one side of the backyard. I look outside and all I see is sparkly white snow EVERYWHERE. And it was really high too. Didn't realize how high that snow was until I went outside.

I got suited up and went downstairs to figure out what was going on. Mind you I've only been awake for 15 minutes at this point. At the time we had two dogs. A jet black cocker spaniel/springer spaniel mixed name Mike, and a little chihuahua/Jack Russel terrier mix named Bambi. I go in the kitchen and Mike's sitting on the floor looking at me. Bambi is nowhere to be seen. I open the door and BOOM walls of snow all around me except for this one tunnel that zig zags towards the back of the backyard. So I follow this path to the end of the yard and there he is. Bambi's sitting there in the snow all huddled up and shivering. Guess all that work to get back there must've made him too cold to find his way back. Rolled my eyes at him, picked him up and tucked him in my coat and headed back inside. Soon as we were indoors I pull him out of my coat and set him on the floor. My mom had a towel ready and she's drying him off and craddling him in the towel to warm him up.

Little dogs are always up to no good....

I learned two valuable lessons that day.

#1. Weather forecasters aren't always right. Considering they said we'd get 6-12 inches and we ended up with 3 feet of snow.

#2. If you let your dog go outside to go potty in the snow, put him on a leash because they love to wander.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Bragging Rights

I have been seriously slacking lately on my updates. I realized there's things I've forgotten to do lately because of having some down moments. Trying to catch up on everything else reminded me that there were some things I forgot to mention.

Looks like we're a wrestling family now. Not sure if I mentioned it before but the boyfriend's son is a jock. Football and baseball. So we had our routine of being at every practice and every game. Not to mention the fact that the boyfriend still plays softball during the summer and fall. Well now we're adding wrestling to the list and his son is doing pretty well for his first year. What I wasn't prepared for was the dramatics attached to wrestling. Man I have never seen so much crying and so many temper tantrums in one day. I am so glad his son handles his losses better than some of these other kids. You can definitely tell the difference between the parents who taught their kids that "winning is everything" and "losing isn't the end of the world." The boyfriend's son has a lot of potential though. Even though he's had 3 losses he's never been pinned, he refuses to be pinned. Course we do get excited every time he pins someone, but he knows win or loss there's something he can learn from every match.

Now me on the other hand I have some updates about my fantasy football standings. I mentioned a while back that our playoffs had started and I was waiting to see where I ended up. Looks like I'm ending the season in 1st and 2nd place for the two leagues where I made it to the playoffs. WOOT WOOT!!! I am very, very happy about that! Big jump from last year. I learned some things this year and I'll be using the advice I got to help me do well again next year. Sucks I have to wait until September before I can start again. Not sure if I want to do fantasy baseball.....we'll see. Anyways, I have to go finish my project.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Coping Skills

I posted earlier about how I felt like staying under my blanket non-stop. It's one of my childhood coping skills. When the world feels like it's coming in I hide under my blanket until everything feels better. But childhood skills aren't helping. Gotta put on the big girl panties and work on big girl coping skills. One of my biggest issues is limits. Goals, time limits. I do it for school and it seems to work out just fine.

My problem is that when I make to-do lists I get bummed when I don't finish everything. Lately I've been working on ranking things in order of priority. This way the more important stuff gets done first. I have to remind myself it's okay if I don't finish everything. Even the important stuff, unless it's life or death, can get pushed back a day. There are days when I feel like I want to be super productive. And times when I could care less. Especially if it's something that doesn't really interest me then it's easier for me to procrastinate.

Another thing I have to work on is reasonable limits. There are things I just can't do right now because of physical limitations. Last weekend was an issue because there were so many things I put off because I couldn't focus long enough. It's gotten better though. Like right now I'm taking a break between working on research for my science project to do this. Like I said my coping skills need some work. I'm a work in progress. Having that mantra in the back of my head will hopefully keep me on track. Keep me from wanting to slip back under the blanket and hide from the world. Which reminds me I need to make a playlist for those times. Music is a big part of my life. Always has been, always will be. I figure as long as I have music to help me it should make things a little easier.

Funny Music Ecard: I feel a profound connection to you based on the music in your shared iTunes folder.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

First, Best, Last

So I was inspired by my girl Janna over at Perception is Everything when she did her blog about firsts. I changed it up a little bit to include my bests and lasts. The reason I'm doing it this way is because I was inspired by some posts I read this morning that made me want to get from under my blanket. Yeah I've had a rough few days but so what, other people have it way worse than I do. Besides, I'm getting closer to a resolution which makes me feel better. So anyways thank you for always putting a smile on my face Janna, Whitney, Brenda, Doyin and my fave new mom Katie. Pay it forward and go visit their blogs after you're done reading this post, click on their names and check out their blogs :-) 

First Love: When I was little I had a thing for Spiderman. I don't know something about that webcrawler made me giddy. I was dead set on being Mrs. Spiderman.

Best kiss: First time me and the boyfriend locked lips. It was the first time I threw caution to the wind and planted one on a guy instead of waiting for them to kiss me.

Last kiss: That would be from the boyfriend too. He can be sweet sometimes and give little kisses on the forehead when I'm not feeling like myself.

First Dream Job: I changed my mind A LOT when I was a kid. But the first job I wanted was to be a firefighter. Thanks to my asthma that's not going to happen now. And I'm no longer as willing to run into a burning building, but I give a lot of respect to those who do. Two months later I wanted to be an archaeologist.

Best Job: I do miss being a tour guide sometimes. I did the horse drawn carriage tours in the historic section of Philly and I loved it! Met people from all over the world and had a great time. I love being around horses and I thought it was cool. The pay wasn't great but it was a good summer job.

This was my Oliver I loved that horse so much

Last movie I bought: The Dark Knight Trilogy. During my teen years a.k.a. "comic book lover years" I found a new love interest. Batman! No superpowers just a ton of cash, some super cool weapons, a cave/mansion and the Batmobile. *sigh* To this day he holds a special place in my heart. Kinda miss reading comic books sometimes.

First Airplane Ride: When I was 13 my mom emptied her savings to send me on a 3 week trip to New Zealand and Fiji with this organization called People to People. Man that was a great trip! But the flight over sucked sooo much! 23 hr flight not including layovers in L.A. and Hawaii. Wouldn't have been so bad except for missing dinner on the way there (I was out like a light) and waking up to the Brady Bunch movie twice (a flight that long you'd think they'd have a double feature ready) on the way back.
Picture I took when we went snorkeling Daydream Island, Fiji 

Best way to spend a quiet day: I'm a book nerd. No ifs, ands or buts about it I love me some books. Since the day I saw Beauty & the Beast (Disney version) I've been dreaming about that giant library Belle gets. Yeah I want that bad! So I'm pretty content to curl up with a book until I fall asleep with my face holding it open.

Last book I bought: Speaking of books.....last one I bought was Mindhunter written by the FBI's top criminal profiler. This in no way contributes to my book hoarding, I simply couldn't pass up a great deal on Amazon. Besides I need more books if I'm going to have that floor to ceiling library.

First Concert: Prince Musicology Tour 2004! I haven't seen nearly as many concerts as I want, but the ones I've seen have been incredible. Prince, Etta James, Stevie Nicks, Vince Neil, WXTU 25th Anniversary show (where I got to see Jason Aldean for the first time woo) and Sugarland.

Best holiday garb: I used to have these light up antlers I wore at Christmas time, which seem to have disappeared. So I'll give this honor to my green cowboy hat with the sparkly fur trim and the blinking shamrock.

Last Halloween costume: Jem from Jem & the Holograms. Note to self: don't wait until night before to buy shoes for costume, especially when they're heels. Oh my feet hurt sooooo bad by the end of the night the boyfriend had to fireman carry me to car. Odds I'm ever wearing those shoes again: 0
Truly, truly, truly outrageous

First Celebrity Crush: Zack from Saved by the Bell. Which would explain why I have a thing for blondes. 

Best cartoon from the 80's: Jem & the Holograms!!! What did you think I was going to say The Smurfs?

Last TV show I watched: Revenge. That show is deliciously awesome.

First Album: Michael Jackson's Thriller. To this day I can't listen to the end of that song because Vincent Price's laugh creeps me out.

Best pick me up song: Good Vibrations. Thank you Mark Wahlberg for at one point being Marky Mark. I just can't help smiling and bopping my head every time I hear this song.

Last song I listened to: Footloose by Kenny Loggins. If I was up to it I would've done the dance too. Another one of those songs that puts you in a good mood. 

First time my jaw dropped: When I was in high school a select few of us were part of the All City Choir. Best singers from four different high school choirs. We'd rehearse for a couple months and then perform at the Academy of Music. Same stage that Marian Anderson and Maria Callas performed on. I remember being amazed when the curtain went up and the seats were packed with family and friends who came to watch us perform. Side note: there is nothing more difficult than doing the humming chorus from Madame Butterfly. Singing pitch perfect is one thing, try humming in key.

Best dessert I've ever had: Tiramisu! I don't normally crave desserts when I go out to eat. But no matter how full I am if there's tiramisu on the menu there's a good chance it's going in my belly.

Last time I laughed until I almost fell off the sofa: Needed something to brighten my mood this past weekend so I finally got to watch Ted. That movie was hi-larious! There were several times I almost rolled off the sofa or bounced my head off the ottoman I turned into my personal table. Nothing brightens my mood better than a raunchy comedy.

First curse word said in front of my mom: Ah the teenage years were all about pushing my boundaries. One of those boundaries was curse words. My mom was the kind of mom that everyone feared. Sweet as pie one minute, glare of death the next. So my friends and I were really careful not to say anything more than "damn" around her or else she'd chew us out. I waited until I was 19 before I dropped the F-bomb in front of her. We were in the car and somebody stopped short or something, mom hits the brakes and it just popped out my mouth. I tried to curl my body up and brace for the verbal assault but she just looked at me and laughed. 

Best way to have some me time: BUBBLE BATH! 'nuff said....

Last weird thing I ate: Snails. They're chewy but tasty. Not something I'd eat all the time like chicken, but every once in a while maybe once a year or three.

First OMG moment: The day I got my black belt. I was 15 yrs old and I was so pumped that I made it through. That test was ROUGH! There were 5 tests we had to pass:
  •  Kata - had to do 3 of those (karate moves made into a synchronized form like dance moves sort of)
  • Weapons - had to demonstrate my proficiency with a pair of nunchucks 
  • Self-Defense - don't remember how long that was
  • Wood breaking - had to design our own 5 station wood break and I almost failed this part because it took me 3 tries to get through the second station (only allowed 3 mistakes and then we failed the whole test and had to wait 3 months to retake it)
  • Sparring - 3 rounds, 5 minutes, 5 opponents and I had an asthma attack and ended up with a concussion but I passed so that's all that matters 
After all it took for me to get my black belt I felt pretty badass! Only 4 people from my school got their belt that day

Best snack from childhood: Gummy bears! No matter how old I get I will always love those things.

Last random act of kindness: holding the door open for an older gentleman

First big purchase: When I worked at Macy's I used my employee discount to buy a bottle of Vera Wang Princess perfume. I no longer have it but I used to love the smell of it and used it sparingly.

Best compliment someone gave me: You remind me of your mom
My mom and Bambi....I'll have to tell you the blizzard of '96 story sometime...

Last thing I ate: Chinese food

So now it's your turn.....share some of your firsts, bests and lasts with me:

Monday, January 14, 2013

Hiding Under My Blanket

courtesy of

I've been having a rough few days and frankly I had no motivation. My pain levels were high and I just couldn't function. Had a few moments of clarity when I forced myself to do homework. But then the walls would come back and all I wanted to do was curl up under my blanket. Thankfully the boyfriend played nurse and took great care of me. I don't have much to say right at this moment so allow me a little time to pull myself back together. Even typing this little bit is frustrating. I feel like the fog will lift soon and I can keep moving forward.


courtesy of

Well......least my sense of humor is still intact  :-)

Monday, January 7, 2013

A Work In Progress

So I had an interesting week. You might have noticed I've been MIA for the past few days. Partly because I had two projects to do for school and wanted to concentrate on putting out an A quality paper. The other reason was that I just didn't feel up to being on here. Had nothing to do with any of you! I just had a rough week mentally. People can always tell when something's eating away at me because I get really quiet. Like one word answers, clipped sentences that mean I don't want to talk.

At first I thought it was stress from feeling like I was behind in my work. What happened was I completely forgot I had two papers due and had only worked on one. Had all my research notes ready and just needed to write the paper. Then I get an email from my other professor reminding us what we needed to complete this week. And BOOM I now have another paper to work on. So I was a bit pissy because normally I'm pretty on top of these things. Because of the lovely week off we had for winter break I didn't transfer all of my assignments onto the To-Do List app on my phone yet. I will be doing that as soon as I'm done this post.

Anyways, I assumed my mood was because of that bit of added stress and the fact that I'm supposed to get another round of shots in my back. So I went in to see my therapist today and there was a breakthrough. If I haven't mentioned this yet I'm very glad I starting going to therapy cause clearly I need it! We talked about how my holidays were and I told her about my mood change the week after Christmas. I told her how I thought my mood issues were from the stress until she brought up some very good points.

When mom was alive the holidays were a big deal. Decorations were put up, preparations were made, holiday music was playing. You could feel the holiday spirit. We'd get up early and open presents with Christmas music playing in the background. Then we'd spend the rest of the day watching Christmas movies and eating. The past couple years the boyfriend has done a great job trying to give me the Christmas I don't get anymore. We decorate the tree and put decorations around the living room. But when Christmas Day rolls around it just feels like another day. I do like the low-key Christmas, but somewhere inside of me there was guilt.  I know how I'm supposed to feel and how things used to be on Christmas. But I felt guilty because it wasn't that way anymore. I felt guilty for enjoying this low-key Christmas and not continuing the tradition of making a big deal out of the holiday.

Just another reminder that the grieving process is a long process for some people. I need to remind myself that it's okay to keep some of the things mom did and blend them with things I like. I don't have to always do everything she did. That was her thing and now I have to find my own thing. It doesn't mean I'll forget about her, or she won't be important to me anymore. It just means I'm making the steps to move forward and redefine my life.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Making 2013 My Bish Link up 2013

I mentioned how this year a bunch of us bloggers are getting together to do a link up for the new year. Every year people feel the need to make a list of things they resolve to do differently. Which most of the time it's the same resolutions from the year before that they didn't accomplish. Resolutions are a funny thing though. Usually something along the lines of:

Lose weight
Get a new job
Quit smoking
Run a 10 day marathon with a starving cheetah strapped to my back

I mean who doesn't want to say they were able to finish a marathon right. But the problem with resolutions is they're this vague idea of something you think you want to accomplish without any real planning involved. So in order to make 2013 my bish I want to unroll my list for what I expect out of this year:

  • First things first, after this semester is over I'll be in my senior year and a few months away from getting my Bachelors degree. Christmas Eve 2013 is my expected graduation date. So if I have to I'll cram in extra courses to make sure I get done on time. This way I can take a short break before I start working on my Masters in Counseling. 
  • I might not be able to lift and move stuff around to get my packing done right now. But I can at least sort through stuff and make piles. So it's time to make some progress on sorting through my life. This way when I'm finally able to pack again all I have to do is box stuff up. 
  • It's been almost 10 years and I haven't touched anything in my mom's room. Her clothes, everything is where it was when she died. My mom was big on donating clothes to Goodwill. So I'm going to sort through her clothes and donate her suits and office wear to a charity downtown that provides low income women with clothes for job interviews and business clothes to wear to work. Her everyday clothes will go to Goodwill. I look at it this way, this is something she would've wanted me to do.
  • On that note I need to take a page from my mom's  playbook and be proactive. I think deep down she knew I wouldn't be able to think rationally enough to make the decisions I needed to make when she died. We'd also never had a discussion about what her wishes were in the event certain things happened. Don't think either one of us thought it was necessary. But I need to make a living will and instructions in the event of my untimely death. This way my loved ones aren't faced with those decisions. Honestly, having them decide what to do with me would cause so much harm. The first thing people think about is not wanting to let go, so it would be hard to follow my instructions with those thoughts in their head. 

So that's how my 2013 is going to go. What about you????

Perception Is Everything