Pinterest Verification

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Weekend Update

Well this has been an interesting weekend. Hurricane party Saturday night. No sense in waiting in lines that make Black Friday look orderly. So hit the liquor stores and beer distributors and ride it out.


Funny Confession Ecard: I don't need the threat of an impending natural disaster to stock up on liquor.


Softball tournament Sunday. Was awesome to see the boyfriend and one of our best friends win the championship for their division.

    
Reading Fall Softball Champions
 So now I'm enjoying a little downtime and waiting for Hurricane Sandy. I'll see how much work I can get done before I possibly lose power. Ooo I should check to see if my school posted anything about this, good chance I won't have class tomorrow night if this thing is as bad as they're saying it's gonna be. Course the weather forecasters around here don't have a great track record.

Funny Somewhat Topical Ecard: Weather forecasting.....only job where you can be wrong 99.9% of the time and still get a paycheck. 

Blizzard of '96 we were expecting a few inches and ended up with close to 3 feet of snow. That year I learned the meaning of cabin fever. I was happy for about a minute when my mom told me I didn't have school because of how much snow had fallen. Then she told me I had to go outside and find my dog. I had a Chihuahua/Jack Russell terrier mix named Bambi who decided to tunnel his way to the back corner of the yard so he could pee. Apparently the genius got too cold to walk back. So I suited up, followed his trail and had to tuck him in my coat and bring him back in the house. Next time he went out to pee he didn't go too far from the backdoor. That'll learn ya!

Well time to get some schoolwork done before I can't. If I lose power I'll be back when this hot mess is over with. Oh and very happy my Steelers won today!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Goodbye Midterms

Funny Encouragement Ecard: Here's to midterms....being over! Now to drink until finals! 
 
YAY I'm finally done with midterms!!! Wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to rewrite my one project after I'd spent 4 hours perfecting it. Nothing like vague instructions to really test how quickly you can start getting gray hairs. I swear if I start seeing any grays up there I'll know where they came from. To say I'm mentally exhausted is an understatement. But there is a cure for that. TV! Lots and lots of TV until I pass out from physical exhaustion. Think I'll catch up on shows I missed this weekend and if there's time....maybe a little Hawaii Five-0. I am behind on that one. 4 more weeks and I'm free of this semester. But like I said I just started other courses on Coursera.org the first class is only 5 weeks so that's not too bad. 2 quizzes and a 3 page paper for my Community Change in Public Health course. Now that's what I call some light work. 

BTW: Happy Hump Day!!!
 
Funny Confession Ecard: The only way I can get through Wednesday is by avoiding people who call it Hump Day.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Midterms Take 2

Okay so I'm almost done with midterms. I just have to finish touching up one of my papers. Soon as I'm done with that one I just have a quick one to do and then WOOHOO finished with midterms! Only 3 more projects left to do for this semester and then I'm free for a couple weeks before it's back to the grind again. Oh crap, wait that's not true....I signed up for these free courses through Coursera.org so no I don't get a break. Dang!! I was looking forward to a week of laziness and getting friendly with the stuff I've had saved on the DVR for the past 3 weeks. See I've tried having things on in the background and working during commercial breaks. That didn't work well at all. It is extremely difficult to focus when it's Sunday or Wednesday night. The back-to-back onslaught of Once Upon A Time, Revenge, Boardwalk Empire and the Walking Dead. Or face the one-two punch of Law & Order SVU and Chicago Fire. If any of ya'll are fans of these shows then you know how hard it is to focus on anything else. There's just no way I'm getting anything done between nekkid people rolling around and plotting gangster things, fairytale characters coming to life in a totally different way, Ice-T chasing down a perp or shirtless firefighters.

Which is why I usually end up trying to get as much done before 8pm as I can. From 8pm til about 11:02pm there's no productivity happening from me. That's probably why I felt a twinge of guilt when I got a surprise call from my research professor today. I'm one of those people who doesn't answer the phone if all I see is a phone number. For the people I talk to the most they have personalized ringtones. Now my default ringer is the theme from Hawaii Five-0, love me some Hawaii Five-0. I hear that theme song and I give a quick glance to the phone before I decide whether to pick it up or not. If it's an out of state area code, that call is going to voice mail. If I just woke up, unless there's a name attached and not just a number, that call is going to voice mail. You can see where I'm going with this. Every once in a while I get curious and answer it, 9 times out of 10 I regret that decision.

So I'm sitting there with my laptop on my lap, left hand wrapped around my coffee mug, in half-procrastination mode while I'm watching the latest episode of Revenge off the DVR. And my phone rings. Hawaii Five-0 theme.....and an area code I've never seen before but am assuming is a US area code.

Me: "Hello?"
Random Stranger: "Hi is Dee home?"
Me: (oh joy a bill collector) "Yes...this is she."
No Longer Random Stranger: "Hi Dee it's Professor L."
Me: (relieved) "OH hi how are you"

That's how my ten minute phone call with my one professor started Monday afternoon. She wasn't calling because I was in trouble or anything (right now I have a 4.0 in that class woo). She just wanted to touch bases and see if I had questions or concerns. Which was nice. At first I was a bit weirded out til she explained why she was calling. And of course that phone call gave me a twinge of guilt because I should've been working on my project but I was distracted. So off with the TV and now  that my Monday night class is over I'm going to get some work done. The sooner I get these two papers finished the better. One is halfway done like I said it just needs touch ups. Soon as I'm done I'll be nice and treat myself to a marathon of Boardwalk Empire, Hawaii Five-0 and Law & Order SVU: The Post-Stabler episodes (I miss Stabler, but I swear if I lose anyone else from the original cast I'm done).

Friday, October 19, 2012

Midterms...ughhh

Funny College Ecard: The most important thing to learn in college is how to eventually dodge your student loan officer.

Midterm time. Trying sooo hard not to procrastinate doing work I'm dreading. Ughhh need more coffee. Making myself MIA until I'm done with these, otherwise I'll get nothing done and end up scrambling at the last minute. 

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I'm Sexy and I Know It Wooo

So now that the high temps around here are barely breaking through the 60's, it's time to start pulling out the fall/winter arsenal. As I've said before (Crisp Air) I'm a huge fan of boots. So it's time to start wearing the boots boyfriend got me last Christmas.

Mah sexy boots with da fur

At first I thought "okay they're cute, but they're brown." Normally I don't do brown shoes, I always buy black shoes and boots because they go with everything. But I thought it was sweet that he picked out a pair that were cute and not goofy looking. Cause the thought of a guy buying me shoes or boots has always terrified me. If he gets the wrong size all you have to do is go back with the receipt and swap them out for the right size. But if they're downright ugly, then you have to make that "oh gee thanks, ummm they're interesting" face. Thankfully I didn't have to do that when I pulled these out of the box cause they're adorable. Course every time I put them on I hear Flo Rida in my head "boots with the fur" yeeaahhh. Rather have Flo Rida in my head than Nicki Minaj, but that's a whole nother post I won't get into here.

Now the way my head works is that once I start pulling out long sleeved shirts, sweaters and boots then it's time to switch pjs. In my world it's pronounced "pa-jays", yeah I like saying random words differently it's part of my charm. Anywho, out go the tank top and shorts pa-jays and in come the footies! Oh hells yeah!

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me.....

I found these at a thrift store like 3 years ago I think. Second best thrift store purchase besides my super awesome hooded calf length winter coat (originally marked as $100, bought it for $30). If you've never been in a thrift store then you are missing out! I know what you're thinking, eeww used clothes. But you gotta have limits. I won't buy intimate stuff like bras, panties or bow-chicka-wow-wow type stuff from there because ewww. BUT I'm all about looking through the coats, purses, luggage, books, name brand jeans that are $100+ in the store for $5-$10. Yeah I love a sale, and if I can get great stuff for a ridiculously good price like that oh it's coming home with me pronto. Dammit I got off track! Back to the pa-jays! So I was wandering through the aisles, just got done looking at coats (think it was the same day I got that winter coat), and then I saw them. *Heavens open, angels sing* ADULT SIZED FOOTIE PJS IN A 2 PIECE!!!! SCORE!!! Didn't even bother to see how much they were I just grabbed them and half-walked, half-sprinted to the register before anyone noticed I had them. And I love the fact that they're pink (mah favorite color). So right now I'm going to sit here in mah footie pa-jays, sip some coffee and work on homework. Jealous :-)

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Tuesday Ha-Ha's

With all the random acts of violence and countless horrible things that happen everyday.....sometimes you need a little inappropriate humor to lighten up your day. The first one I stole borrowed from Jennifer Lawson a.k.a. The Bloggess. If for some reason you haven't come across her blog HERE YOU GO<---click on that! Warning: Don't consume beverages right before you read her blog because they will end up all over your screen. You've been warned. LET THE INAPPROPRIATE HUMOR BEGIN!!!!!


Makes aquarium visits a little more interesting   










Sunday, October 14, 2012

Halfway to the Beginning

Another weekend has come and gone. Makes me stop and look at my schedule and all the randomness around me. Back in the day, say my teenage years, I was able to stay up until all hours. Sleep a little bit then get back up and go about my day. These days if I wake up a half hour early I'm cranky. Course these days for some odd reason I end up waking up a couple minutes before my alarm goes off and I just lay there glaring at it until it beeps in my face. Only reason I haven't thrown my alarm clock across the room yet is because it's my phone. One of the many reasons why I got my smartphone was because of the bazillion things I can do with it. Alarm clock being one of them. It's an everyday battle between the desire to throw it against the wall, or smothering it with a pillow.

Right now I'm trying to write this post in between commercial breaks while I watch The Walking Dead. For some reason three of my favorite shows come on at the same time. Sunday 9pm EST. I usually end up DVRing Revenge so I can watch Boardwalk Empire, then at 10pm a second airing of The Walking Dead. Sunday nights are my downtime nights. I put my pjs on, grab a snack, get comfy under my blanket and forget about the homework I have left to do. Last semester I had more free time on my hands because I was able to work ahead on a lot of projects. Not this semester. Seems like I'm constantly working on something. Couple more days and I'll hit the halfway point for this semester. Usually I'm a little bummed, but not this semester. It's been pretty rough.

It's not like I had more work this semester, it's been the opposite actually. Think I wrote 15 papers last semester. This time around there's somewhere between 8-10 I don't remember right now cause my brain feels a little smushy. Less on my plate but it's just been one thing after another. I've reached my breaking point with the endless pain in my back, so now it takes A LOT for me to stay in a somewhat positive mood. I use my homework to distract me from thinking about my back. But then with everything going on with Jason, now I'm unfocused. I really don't have a lot of room to complain though. Considering what Jason and his family are going through right now, life is sunshine and roses for me. Click here for more about Jason Heckman. If you'd like to help in any way email me. We've had a good response so far. Some people donated money, others cooked meals and sent them to the family, many have prayed or sent a positive thought out into the heavens, and others have made cards. The sweetest thing I've seen so far are the cards other children have made for Jason. It brought tears to my eyes seeing how much love still exists in this world. Helps restore my faith in humanity.

So even though I'm reaching the halfway point in my world. Jason's battle is still in the beginning stages. Which means our fight to help him and his family is nowhere near the end. We've had a good turnout, but we can always use more. There are organizations, like Susan G. Kommen, that bring a lot of awareness to certain types of cancer. But then people forget about all the other forms of cancer out there. We must never forget. No child should ever have to battle cancer. But unfortunately sometimes they do. And until there's a cure, we'll keep fighting. We'll keep raising awareness for all the little ones who don't get to play. Keep raising awareness for the little ones who have lost their smile. Keep raising awareness for the little ones who aren't strong enough to run through the grass and feel the sunshine on their face. Fight for all of the little ones who aren't with us today so their sacrifice will never be in vain.


Friday, October 12, 2012

Bullying & Self-Harm

This generation scares me more and more everyday. When I was a teenager we didn't have webcams and social media. I don't think I had an email address until my sophomore or junior year. But now there's Facebook, Twitter, Google+, YouTube....so many platforms for children and teens to share themselves with the world. This ends up being a double edged sword. Even though it gives kids an outlet and a way to connect with their friends and family, it also give pedophiles and bullies a way to misuse their information. Now I don't understand why kids need to have webcams in the first place. Because no matter how sweet and innocent your child is, it doesn't take much for someone to talk them into showing their naughty bits. It doesn't take much for someone to get them to talk dirty online, and show them ways to find porn online. People need to stop acting like kids are stupid and wouldn't do these things. They do it all the time.

Cyber-bullying is becoming an epidemic. Kids pretend to be nice to someone until they get them to do what they want. Once that's accomplished they can find so many ways to embarrass and degrade them. Kids don't have to be face to face to bully anymore. Now they have email, instant messaging, tweets that they can use to make someone feel like they're the worst person in the world. I came across this story and wanted to share it because I think it's important for parents, friends and family to step up and educate children and teens about the right and wrong ways to use the internet.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

YAY FALL!!!

Just when you thought Mother Nature was starting to act normally she makes a U-turn and speeds off down a dirt road into Random Town. I have to say I enjoyed last winter. It wasn't too bad, no blizzards and it didn't feel like I lived at the South Pole everyday. Which was nice. Winter is usually that time of year I get jealous of people who live in the South and I start dreaming about having a winter house......in Bali or Bora Bora. Now after that mild winter we had this summer was a monster. It was ridiculously hot at random hours of the day! Add in humidity and it made me not want to leave the house. Made me appreciate my super dark curtains because there were some days I wasn't fit to be in public. Course that didn't stop any of the gutter skanks I saw stumbling around wearing outfits a hooker would be embarrassed to be seen in.

Which brings me to why I'm glad it's fall! I mentioned in a previous post that I love fall because it's jeans and boots weather. Well, that and the fact that now people are going to be wearing more clothes. I'm all about self expression and showing off your own personal style. But you know what it's the little things that get to me. Like seeing the crack of your ass when you sit down, and then seeing the crack of your ass when you stand up because your skirt looks more like a belt. EWWW NASTY! Or those females who refuse to close their legs when they wear skirts. You know what in hindsight I'm happy they at least put some panties on before they left the house. Again...EWWW NASTY! And of course, women who refuse to wear clothing that's their size. I don't care how big or how tiny you are ladies, feel free to flaunt your curves. IN A RESPECTABLE MANNER! My mom always told me don't show everything just show a little peek. I mean a little cleavage is fine, but don't make me look through my purse to see if I have stickers to cover your eventual nip slip. I will freely admit I'm not perfect, never going to be perfect and don't want to be perfect. I haven't had six pack abs since high school and that was 13 yrs ago. So you won't catch me running around in a midriff showing off my muffin top. It's not cute, and it's definitely not sexy. Oh yeah....and another thing. I'm tired of seeing men running around topless in the summer. Some of you are nice to look at I'll give you that much. But dammit it's not fair to us ladies who would like nothing better than to strip down because it's too hot. But nooooo they have these stupid public indecency laws and people get offended and someone ends up in jail and it all goes downhill fast.

Fall means less chance of running into funky people. I don't mean James Brown or Parliament Funkadelic kind of funky. I mean "damn what crawled up in you and died?!" kind of funky. More clothes means less body odor wafting around in the air. Bring on the fall weather!!!!!

Monday, October 8, 2012

What Matters

Its amazing how many learning opportunities exist when you're in the presence of a child. Like when you're around someone who's deaf, has a disability or a disease. There's a whole different way you have to explain things to a child. You can't speak to them in an adult level. So you have to simplify things for them. But you don't want to talk to them like they're not bright enough to understand you know. Because trust me there are so many children out there that're smarter than most adults I've met. You want the child to get what you're saying without making them feel stupid. So it's a fine, fine line! Back to my example....you have to find a way to relate these lessons to them in terms they can grasp. Same thing with diseases. They know how it feels when they get sick. But when someone is diagnosed with something more devastating....it's hard. Until it hits close to home.

I have to say if you've never looked at something through a child's eyes then you're missing out on a view of the world that's truly incredible. It's a pure, simplistic way that we've completely forgotten. They see the joy in the little moments. We get caught up with the big things, and they don't. It's beautiful. I've spoken about this before, but seeing it through a child's eyes makes it different. When an adult gets cancer children become a little sad but it doesn't quite hit home. Until someone their age is sick. When a child hears that another child has cancer it affects them on a deeper level. Now they understand that something so random can hit someone like them. No one is exempt from diseases. It just happens. So it's sad to see a child hurt in that way. Not just the healthy children, but the child who now has to look at life in a different way.

I went through a similar experience when I was in high school, seeing how death touches us all. I'd been to my grandfather's funeral when I was younger so I understood death, sort of. When I was in high school I ended up going to three funerals for people my age. One was a brother of one of my friends. The other two were close friends of mine. Hearing that someone you know has died just rocks you completely. Like your world just slipped away. I think I nearly passed out at my one friend's viewing. As hard as it is, these things do make you appreciate life in a different way. Makes you grateful you have the people in your life. Makes you glad you can laugh, cry or argue with the ones you love. Makes you really damn grateful you woke up, because so many other people didn't get that chance. I don't want to depress you with this post. I want to inspire or encourage people to enjoy the little moments. Don't worry that your TV isn't as big as your neighbors. Or that your car won't text for you while you drive. Don't sweat it if you can't afford that one big thing. Because those big things don't mean anything in the end. Be happy for what you do have, and take pride in the life you've made for yourself. I don't care if I never get to sail around the world. What I do care about is making my life, and the lives of the people I love, the best they can be. That's what matters in this world. 

Friday, October 5, 2012

Friday Friday

I'll avoid starting a political fight on here cause I've only had one cup of coffee so far and I don't feel like dealing with the drama. So I'll focus on me, LOL. This has been a kind of odd week floating between my own feelings, keeping busy trying to help out with fundraisers for Jason and working on homework. My research class is kicking my ass right now. I know once I'm done it'll be worth it because I'll have learned how to do a research proposal, it's just the process that gets me down. When I started this class I was kind of thinking maybe down the line I might do research. That opinion hasn't changed though, I just realize now how aggravating it can be. But it would be worth it if I could learn something that would help people in the future. Maybe once I'm done working in the public sector I might be a private researcher. Who knows! Long as I've got options I'm happy.

Anywho, I've got a lot on my mind. I haven't touched on this in a while but I have a back injury and I'm feel like one of those bad experiments. Not quite Abby Normal from Young Frankenstein, but close. I've had so many treatments, swallowed so many pills all in the name of temporary comfort. I just can't wait til this is all a bad memory and I get my life back. I hate not being able to function. Sorry just got distracted by CSI. Back to what I was saying. I've got a piece of a research proposal to work on among other homework for the week. So I better get moving and take care of that. Just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a great weekend. And remember: Be thankful for the people in your life because you never know how long you'll have them. Hugs and ass slaps xoxoxo!




Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!

The most heartbreaking thing in the world is a sick child. You look at these little bundles of love and your heart just aches for them. They don't understand what's wrong. All they know is that something's wrong. For some children it's a quick stay, others might have to stay a little longer but they eventually go home. Unfortunately for other children they aren't that lucky and their families are robbed of their beautiful souls. Now I hate going into hospitals ever since my mom died, unless I really really really have to. So going into a children's hospital is harder. But I do it because at that moment it's not about me. Me not visiting is selfish because it's about THEM. It's about giving support to that child and their family. That being said I need to share something that's going on in my world right now.

My niece's best friend, her little brother has been diagnosed with stage 4 blastoma that has spread between his head to his toes. This little guy is only 3 years old. Right now he could use all the positive vibes in the world to help him during his fight. So I'm asking....dammit I'm begging each and every single one of you to help! Take the time to send out a good thought, or prayers for this little boy. If you have children could you get them to make a get well card for him so we can cover his hospital room with love and hope. Right now he is scared and frustrated because he doesn't get to spend everyday with his brother and sister at home. He's in a strange place with strangers constantly coming in and attending to him. Please do what you can to help him. His name is Jason Heckman and if you'd like to send a card to him email me at bionicdee@gmail.com. From the bottom of my heart thank you for anything you do to help this boy.

I Want a Dumpster Baby: Two Women, Two Connections

I Want a Dumpster Baby: Two Women, Two Connections

I wanted to share something one of my favorite bloggers put up that struck a cord with me. I haven't had the joy and pain of becoming a mom yet, but I do enjoy being an aunt. So I'm always amazed to hear about other women working their way through motherhood. So please click on the link above, because what she said makes sense. This is what I got out of her post: Enjoy the moments, enjoy the laughter, breathe through the pain because someone else isn't as lucky as you are to be able to experience those moments.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Why I Play Fantasy Football

There's a big difference between how boys are raised on football and how girls are raised on football. Boys know stats, which college so&so went to. It's like this encyclopedic knowledge of things you probably can't even use on Jeopardy. Girls, on the other hand, we get a crash course in the basics. I understand rules, positions, logic behind certain things. But I can't tell you who went where, and I don't remember how many rushing yards such&such guy had five years ago. I know enough to debate. I know my favorite players, the guys on my team, names of notable guys on other teams.

That being said I always get the same look whenever I mention I play fantasy football. "You play fantasy football? Ohhh okay." Yes I do....now bring it! Always amazes me how people still seem surprised that a woman would do that. I'm not the only one, there's plenty of ladies out there showing off their skills. Now I do get pissy when someone drafts my guy that I've had my sights set on. It rubs me raw when I sit there with my list and BOOM he's gone. Some people play for money or other prizes. I play for bragging rights. My first year I finished 7th. Not too shabby for  a newbie. This year I'm hoping to do better, course now I'm in 4 different leagues so we'll see what happens. Think I'll do well in 3 out of 4. Ooo that reminds me I need to check my lineups and make some adjustments thanks to injuries. I made a point to make sure people understood one thing about me a long time ago back when I spent the majority of my time sparring guys who were over 6 feet tall in karate class. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I won't take you down.

Monday, October 1, 2012

5 Stages of Grief

Courtesy of etsy.com

This weekend had me thinking about the 5 Stages of Grief. Let me backtrack a bit. This past Saturday was the 9 year anniversary of when my mom died. When she died I was the last person to see her. Now my mom had a habit of trying to shield me from things, but I usually found out on my own unless I pried and pried. So when she got sick and had to stay in the hospital I spent the whole time in a state of confusion. No one explained what was going on to me. No one took me aside and said this is what's wrong and this is what's going to happen. No one prepared me for what was coming. The day she died I had gone home to take a nap and planned on going back later to see her. And then I got the phone call that she had died. I made my way back to the hospital and walked through the sea of people outside of her room. Was the most surreal moment of my life. Everyone standing there looking at me and me wandering past them while every emotion ran through me all at once. I went into her room and said goodbye, and then spent the next few years trying to figure out how to feel again.

There was one point, I think a couple days before she died, when I was sitting in the family room while other people were visiting with her and I saw this pamphlet sitting on the table. The Five Stages of Grief. Didn't bother to read it because I didn't know it applied to me. Had no clue what these stages were and had no interest in learning them. Nine years later I've finally learned what they are and where I was in all of that.

According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross the five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And I quote:
  • Denial - Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle.
  • Anger -Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – - your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.
  • Bargaining - Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, ” you bargain, “I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?”
  • Depression - Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing.
  • Acceptance - Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves. (http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/)
 The first 3 or 4 years I floated between denial, anger and depression. I completely skipped over bargaining. Honestly the way they talk about the bargaining stage those thoughts never occurred to me. I had nothing to bargain with. My family had abandoned me, my boyfriend couldn't keep it in his pants and used me for a place to crash and money to burn. So what was I going to bargain for? Over the years I've finally started to stabilize better. Thanks to the boyfriend making a promise that he'd take me to visit mom and my grandpa every year. It helps that he knows where I'm coming from because his father died when he was younger. So I'm fortunate we both had our parents for as long as we did. But he understands me in a way other guys wouldn't. He can tell when the light dims in my eyes and the sad thoughts are creeping in. He knows when to hold my hand or hug me and remind me he's right there. And he's helped me move into the acceptance stage.
Courtesy of piccsy.com


Don't get me wrong my friends have been there to help me through these years. But it's different when someone else has the same hole in their heart that you do. There's two material possessions I treasure more than anything (I love my phone dearly but it can always be replaced with something better). The fairy necklace my mom gave me and my copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. My little fairy godmother reminds me to have hope in the impossible and faith during my weakest times. And Harry Potter, well that was the last book my mom bought me so it holds a special place in my heart.  
My Fairy Godmother